Not My Thesis Blog

Dear Blogger,

You have been good to me. For all of my graduate classes, I have used you. You made life easy. But now, I am afraid, it is time for us to part ways. It is time for me to put on my big-girl pants and (wo)man up. It is time for my blog to look like a blog. It is a time for me to create a writing space that I can use in my future endeavors. So it is with a heavy heart that I embark on my journey to figured out WordPress. 

Sincerely,
Alice

BUT that's not where the story ends. I could not, for the life of me, figure out WordPress. After many half hours tinkering away at the computer, and asking other educated individuals, we are at a loss. I am back to Blogger. But hopefully not for long. I ask all of you, my colleagues, to help me! Teach me! I need to conquer WordPress! 

But until then, here is where I will start the next part of my journey: my thesis work! AND BOY GEORGE am I excited! When I first decided to go back to grad school, it was for a few reasons:

-I didn't have a summer job (and was freaking out).
-I was bored.
-I have always wanted to write.

It was the third reason that made me take the leap. Not only did I always want to write, but I knew the story I wanted to tell. But it scared me. 

It scared me because I had doubt. Will it be good? Can I do it? Am I ready?

And in truth, for a while, I didn't have those answers, but I powered ahead. Throughout the past few years of my graduate experience, and through the life experiences I've had, I've been able to answer them to some extent. 

Will it be good? Who knows! Will I try my best? YES! Will that be enough? Maybe. Either way, it's something I have to, and want to, do and THAT makes it "good".

Can I do it? HELL YES! I just have to, ya know, Do It!

Am I ready? Now, this was the hardest. Knowing the story I want to tell. Up until a few months ago, my answer would still have been "I don't know." My answer now is that I am. Some days may be harder than others, and what I have come to realize is that that's okay. It does not mean I'm not ready, it just means some days are harder than others.

The reason "Am I ready?" scared me so much? The story I want to tell...

...is my own. And part fictional version of my own. 

I am going to tell the story of obsessive compulsive disorder, based off of my experiences. My earliest memory with OCD is from my junior year of college, but my friends say they noticed it earlier. And when I think back, I can remember little things I did as a young kid, that I recognize now where ritualistic. 

What I've learned over the years, what I am still learning, is that this disorder is not something I will ever "get rid of". It is something I will always live with-a notion that used to scare the sh*t out of me, but now brings me comfort. My OCD is like an old friend. One that I get to know better every day. 

So, hello my friend. I'm going to tell our story. I hope to start each chapter, or maybe each "part", if there ends up being parts, with a poem, or a story in verse. String these poems together and you have our story. Our memoir. 

And in between those pages will be the story of a girl, a young adult who is finding herself, while dealing with her own friend. One she doesn't know yet, but one she will come to understand. 

So stay tuned ;) 
The best is yet to come.
xoxo
M.B.



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